12/6 – "Gay and not gay by the arbitrary rules I've concocted"

6 Dec

Over the summer a friend of mine (another guy) and I were on our way to a BBQ, and we both agreed that we oughta make a stop on the way and bring something there.  Like what though?  Alcohol, food, perhaps something else?  Inside a convenience store, I spotted a box of muffins, and suggested this as a possibility to my buddy.  He didn’t think it was a good idea.  I asked why not.  “Would it be gay for 2 dudes to bring muffins to a party?”  He thought so.  WHAT’S WRONG WITH MUFFINS?  People like muffins, godammit.

In our society, perhaps even more so recently than in the past, guys seems to be applying chapstick publicly everywhere I go.  To me, men applying chapstick in plain sight of the general public is, well, very effeminate behavior (gay).  First, the obvious reason why — IT REQUIRES THE SAME MOTION AS A WOMAN PUTTING ON LIPSTICK.  You look like a woman applying make-up.  Number two, don’t be a pussy. “Wah, I have chapped lips.”  Go fucking cry about it.  You’re a man.  You can survive a few minutes with dry lips until you can find a secure location where you can apply your precious chapstick.

muffins = not gay, chapstick = gay.

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