The other day I was thinking about things I’m good at. Honestly, the list isn’t all that lengthy. One thing that did come to mind was belching, or to most people, burping. That’s right, I am really good at burping. I have the natural talent to pretty much burp at will, just by taking a moment to breathe in some air. I can’t really explain how this is done, but whether you want loud burps, long ones, or to hear the a-b-c’s in burp-language, I can pretty much do it all.
I wondered — are there any legitimate burping competitions out there? I did some minimal Googling, and while that yielded some notable results, I didn’t come across anything that seemed particularly legit.
In a world where we have sanctioned eating competitions that are recognized in the mainstream world, I don’t understand why there are no burping competitions. In my opinion, watching/listening to burping is no more disgusting than watching a person consume absurd amounts of food in a rapid fashion. In fact, one could make the argument that visually, watching someone pig-out is even more unappealing than the whole burping thing.
Perhaps it’s the fact that eating competitions are scored in a cumulative way — the person who eats the most hot dogs in the allotted time wins. It’s cut and dry. A burping competition might require some judging. But whatever, figure skating and gymnastics are judging-based sports/competitions, too. So, I don’t buy that thought-process.
I just think people are hypocritical morons. If some mofo eats 60 hot dogs in ten minutes, he’s worthy of our admiration — but if afterward during the press conference, he belches, well, now he’s a disgusting lowlife.
Tags: burping the alphabet, competitive burping, competitive eating, competitive farting, disgusting, hot dogs, long burps, loud burps
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