Adam J. Choit

It’s not all that uncommon for guys to do their laundry infrequently.  In fact, many of us believe that the only essentials are really just clean underwear and clean socks.  Guys who own 50 pairs of underwear and 50 pairs of socks tend to go months without doing laundry.  Some of us would almost prefer to buy new clothes, if it helps us avoid doing a laundry.

Although this week has been warm in LA, the weather has been cooling off a bit recently.  This means I need to dig up my flannel pajama pants.  Problem is they somehow ended up underneath my bed.  I have a full-sized bed.  When you also factor in the mattress, box spring, and all the crap under my bed, the pants are nearly impossible to get to.

Sure I could lift up the the mattress and box spring, but that’d be a huge ordeal.  I was in Target last week, and saw pajama pants on the rack.  I remembered where mine are at home, and it was a no brainer to buy new pj pants.

And yes, the old ones are still under my bed….Yay for laziness.

I think I was conversing with my sister when she mentioned the term “fashion-forward” to me.  I had no idea what she was talking about.  I mean, if I actually took a second to think, and break down the term, I probably could’ve took a guess what it means.

Wiktionary defines it as “describing styles or clothing etc that are just coming into fashion.”

Jeez, no wonder I had no idea what it meant.  Fashion ain’t my strength.  My goals are 2 things: 1) My clothing shouldn’t be a cause of embarrassment. 2) They should make me look good. If can accomplish those 2 things, it’s all good.

Perhaps, in some ways my lack of knowledge in the area of fashion confirms my heterosexuality as a man.  Either that, or I’m just stupid and clueless about things that are common knowledge to most people.

I have no idea who I had this conversation with (maybe George?), but I believe one of us referenced the Jerry Seinfeld bit about nudity.  He mentioned how it’s so “final,” and we can no longer make our little adjustments that make us humans feel like we’re “getting it together.”

Seinfeld said that he’d like to be naked, but still wear a belt with pockets that hang off the side —- so he could rest his hands in ‘em.  What about a belt that has cup holders attached to it?  Then one can walk around naked, hands free, possibly drunk.

In addition to my previous post in which I boast about how classy and romantic I am — I’m quite hygienic as well.

Want proof?  Sometime within the past 6 to 12 months, for some unknown reason I thought for a moment that purchasing solid white boxers is actually a good idea.

I brought home my boxers and quickly realized potentially why white boxers are in fact probably a BAD idea.  I mean, I’ve never seen any sort of residue on my underwear since I was like 6, but white shows EVERYTHING.

Proudly to say, the garments are all immaculate.  Pristine.  I COULD PUT THEM BACK IN THE BAG AND RETURN THEM.   They are so clean that I would receive not just store credit, but a full refund — and that’s without a receipt, too.

k, I’m done now.

Fine, if you’re 50+, mustaches can be acceptable.  It’s just that these guys in their 20′s who grow mustaches — I  never know quite how to deal with them.

Most mustaches are grown basically to be jokes.  However, how can I always be 100% sure of this?  There are guys in their 20′s and 30′s out there whom are genuinely mustache people.  I’m certain they exist.

For future reference, I just want to know from what angle I should go with if I want to ask questions or make comments about mustache people when I meet them.

I’m just trying to avoid getting beaten up by a ” real” mustache person is all.

My ongoing struggle to find t-shirts I like continues on.  I like ones that fit me well, and have necks that fit tightly and aren’t all stretched out.  T-shirts with brand names and logos are ok, but I don’t always need to be a walking billboard for some corporation.  In addition, if my entire wardrobe consisted of sports apparel, that’d be pretty gay too.

The best t-shirts are ones that are simple ads for obscure businesses.  “Joe’s Deli Racine, Wisconsin”

“Alex’s Car Wash Portland, Maine” …..and so on.

I was recently informed that Old Navy actually sells t-shirts with ads on them for fake businesses.   Maybe I oughta get a couple of shirts like this.   I mean, I’d prefer be a billboard for a fake business or an obscure one.  Though if I do end up buying one these shirts and someone else at a party happens to be wearing the same one, I’d prob kill myself there on the spot. 

Please don’t ever touch my hair, especially without asking for permission beforehand.  Attractive women could be a potential exception to the rule, but if you’re unsure whether or not you are indeed an attractive woman, you’re better off playing it safe and asking me for permission first.

I just got a haircut yesterday, but before then my hair was getting pretty long (by long I mean big and thick).  I walked into a party over the weekend, and within 5 minutes a bunch of people started touching my shiz and messing it up.

I mean, I’d consider being more liberal with my regulations under certain conditions.  If I’m celebrating something with a group for example in a significant moment, then maybe it’d be cool to touch/mess up my hair without asking first.

A while ago I saw a random girl on the street who was wearing a black t-shirt with white letters on it.  The letters read “Sleeping Alone.”  That’s all.

FYI – she wasn’t super attractive, but that’s not really important here.  Like I’ve mentioned before, when you wear a shirt that has words/sentences on it, the public not only has a right to stare at you and read those words, but we pretty much have the right to inquire about them and their meaning too.

I opted not to talk to this girl (like I said she was nothing special).  But anyway, what might this phrase mean, or refer to?

Is she a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man or a significant other in her life?  Is it an ironic statement, and she happens to actually be a big whore?

Perhaps this t-shirt is meant to come across as a challenge for guys.

“Sleeping alone huh?  WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT….”

If I’m sitting down to eat a meal at a fancy upscale restaurant, obviously I won’t be wearing a baseball cap/hat.  Knowing dining at such a place will likely require a reservation, I’ll have plenty of  advance notice to plan out my no-hat day.

If I’m eating at McDonald’s, or something closer to that quality of dining, wearing a hat is not an issue.  In fact, McDonald’s probably has very minimal standards in terms of dress code.

Most restaurants though fall into a category of quality that is wide ranging, and somewhere between McDonald’s and something like a high-priced steakhouse.  WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH HATS FOR THESE KINDA PLACES?

Who knows?  There’s always the chance I’ll be wearing a hat that day, and then find myself entering a mid-level quality eatery.   What do you expect me to do, take my hat off?  MY HAIRS AIN’T DONE UP, MAN.

I’m not gonna expose my nappy-headed Jewfro just ’cause society expects me to.

So here’s the rule:   If I walk into a restaurant wearing a hat, I look around.   If I see any other person, even just one person wearing a baseball cap.   I’m good.  If nobody is wearing a hat, I’ll either make an executive decision, or just wait for the person/people I’m with to yell at me to take off my freaking hat.

I have little desire to be a trendsetter in these cases anyway.  Just my style.  I don’t wanna be “that guy.”

I’m not saying that we should have already, or should now definitely invade Iran.  My previous post is more of a broad perspective on events, and how I see them as somewhat ironic.

According to co-worker Justin Holzedl, violence is never the answer (which we can debate until the end of time), unless one is on Wheel of Fortune and the puzzle is V_OLENCE.  I asked him if he came up with that, and he admitted it was this t-shirt that inspired him.

That is all.