Adam J. Choit

Yup, it’s true.  By now most of you have heard the confirmation that Chick-fil-A, the fast food restaurant chain openly supports anti-gay groups and political agendas.  Chick-fil-A’s President Dan Cathy, told Baptist Press that the chain is “guilty as charged” in supporting the biblical definition of family.  I think we know what that means.  A report from LGBT advocacy group Equality Matters concluded that Chick-fil-A donated more than $3 million between 2003 and 2009 to Christian groups that (openly and actively) oppose homosexuality.

As far as I can follow, logic dictates that homosexuality is not something is to “be for”, or “opposed to.”  It just is — and is someone else’s sexual orientation.  Gay men and women all over the world are having sex right now.  Do people opposed to homosexuality feel like their rights are being infringed upon?  right at this very second?  If not right at this moment, then when?  You let me know.

Many people are (justifiably) coming out (no pun intended), condemning Mr. Fil-A.  People are Facebooking and Tweeting, “I’m never eating there again!”  But I’ve also seen posts that reflect my sentiments, “I’ve never eaten act Chick-fil-A but now I’m definitely not going there” …or something to that nature.

But I feel like me merely “continuing not to go to Mr. Fil-A’s restaurant” doesn’t really actively punish them for their open support of discrimination.  And while it’s not my duty to do so, sometimes going beyond a simple boycott is a good thing.

So, along with my previously-unknowingly, now-knowlingly boycott comes an encouragment.   I encourage any and all gay people to stop by your local Chick-fil-A for bit. Not to cause a scene, or to yell, or to even protest — at least not in the conventional way.  But I say hold hands.  Lovingly kiss nearby these little shithole fast food joints.  Just let them know what’s up.  I just think it’d be funny if there were gay people hanging out outside Chic-fil-A spots for some period of time, but not going inside to eat.

So pretend to be a customer.  Tease ‘em.  Just enough for the local employees to notice —just enough for them to report this nuisance up to corporate headquarters, to well, give them that much more to worry about these days, in addition to the media firestorm.

To reiterate, I’m NOT encouraging anyone to break laws, to be violent, or to be vulgar in any public setting.  But if you’re gay, and a fan of PDA’s (public displays of affection), and find yourself in the Atlanta area, Chick fil-A’s corporate headquarters is at 5200 Buffington Road Atlanta, GA 30349.

I don’t know about you, but on occasion (which is what I try to keep it at) when I’m getting some fast food, I try not to watch them actually making my food.  It’s nothing personal against the people working at McDonald’s (or wherever).  This is just my personal preference.  I’d rather just order, pay, and be handed a bag of food, thus enabling me to ignore every other step of the fast-food making process.

After I pay and get my receipt, I don’t want to peer into the kitchen and wonder, “Geez, I wonder if that’s my order that 16 year old pimply-faced kid is putting together.”  I’d prefer to just kinda wander around in circles by the condiments area to kill the time before my order is ready.

It’s just that when I’m ordering a meal that costs 99 cents, I can’t imagine that all that much care and effort goes into the preparation of it.  Even with existing health codes and laws, I really don’t want to know what might go on in the back of a fast food kitchen, and would rather just live in denial about the whole thing.

I’m no fast food expert, and I don’t even eat fast food all that often, but yes, that’s right, out of those fast-food burger chains, Wendy’s makes my favorite burger.  If we’re ranking the places for other things (such as fries), Wendy’s might not be #1.

When I was a kid, I liked Burger King burgers the most perhaps, then McDonald’s more so later on, but these days if I want a crap-burger, Wendy’s is my preference.  Some people might reply, “But Wendy’s burgers are square shaped.  How could you eat such an unnatural looking slab of meat?”

I think in our society we’ve been conditioned to believe that meat is in it’s most natural shape when it comes in circular patty form.  Sure.  Keep telling yourself that.

Whatever.  I like that Wendy’s has square burgers.  They don’t even bother to hide how unnatural, unhealthy, artificial, and manufactured their burgers really are.  I really respect this.

The whole idea of tipping is something that encourages debate.  I’m all for generosity, but when it comes to how much to tip, there are no official rules of how much to tip, and even who to tip.  I guarantee that at one point in your life you’ve turned to the person next you, and have asked them each of the following:

- “How much tip should I leave?”

- “Do I have to tip this person?”

I’m also certain that someone, at some point has asked you those questions as well.

In terms tipping the delivery guy, in addition to the total cost of the bill, delivery time, overall service/courtesy, one must also consider some other external factors too, such as inclement weather.  Rain/sleet/snow/high winds/monsoon/hurricanes are all reasons you should give the delivery guy a little extra.

I mean, tipping 15-20% of the total bill is usually a safe bet.  But if you’re unhappy with the overall delivery service, it’s ok I think to give less than that.  HOWEVER, if the service sucked, but the guy who brought you your food had to get through a tornado to get you your pizza, definitely give him a little extra — perhaps to get him back up to that 15-20% range.

Surely you must know someone who’s a picky eater.  Perhaps you yourself are a picky eater.  Although I tend to eat the same things over and over again, I’m not sure if I’m a picky eater, per se.  I just don’t particularly like spicy foods, and probably don’t consume enough fruits and vegetables, either.

It’s just annoying when someone criticizes, even talks down to you for not liking certain foods. “Really?  How could you not like (insert food here)?  Everyone does.”  It’s that kinda talk that’s somewhat bothersome.

Everyone’s different, and it doesn’t make you a bad person because you don’t like something, or just don’t feel in the mood to try a new food.  Not wanting to try new food doesn’t make you a close-minded person —– at least not overwhelmingly close-minded.  As long as a person is healthy and has a balanced diet, why does it matter what culture your food is from?

Besides food, there’s plenty of other ways to enjoy and experience other cultures — such as through art and music.  I mean, if you look at a painting from another country, and it’s not your thing and not what you’re into, it’s no big deal.  But if you’re encouraged to try food from another culture, and hesitantly do so, perhaps finding out you don’t like the Wasabi flavored pig intestines will be more painful of a realization than the realization that you’re not into Indian art.

Listen, I think it’s wonderful that we live in a pretty evolved society here in America, and that we have certain laws that look out for our general health and well-being.  It hasn’t always been this way, but over time, new regulations have come about.  Foods, and just about anything we ingest is required by law to make known it’s ingredients and nutritional value (or lack thereof).

Menus will now often include how many calories everything on the menu has.  Even fast food places often now have charts on the wall that tell you what exactly you’re putting into your body.  If not a chart on the wall, little pamphlets are often available to customers.

Earlier today at In & Out Burger, I noticed that on the main menu (the one behind/above the counter), each item has it’s total calories listed as well.  Impossible to miss.  While I appreciate the disclosure, must they so clearly remind me of this?  C’mon now.  You don’t have to get specific on me, reminding me that like 1000 calories is about to enter me.  Let me live in denial, a little.

I mean, 800 calories, 1000 calories, whatever it is — it’s bad.  And ya know what?  People don’t go into In & Out for healthy food.  I get that.  I just feel like clearly reminding me of how bad something is kind of takes away some (a little bit) of the enjoyment of eating.

Anyway, tell me how many calories are in stuff, but do it in pamphlet form, or in chart form off to the side, making it a little less visible and in my face.  Thanks.

The dictionary defines the term sugarcoat as such:

1) to coat with sugar

It’s not typically polite to be chewing your food and talking at the same time.  People don’t like it when you eat your food with your mouth open.

Well, two of my favorite things in the world are eating, and talking.  I like to be efficient, and my time is valuable.  So if one can kill two birds with one stone, then why not go for it?

All you really need to do is put the napkin in front of your face as you’re talking. That’s the trick.  As long as nobody has a side view of your mouth, as long as food doesn’t fall out, and as long as your words are audible, then yes, you can talk and eat at the same time.

OK, if you have some kind of diagnosed medical condition that has influence over your diet, I understand.  If you’re a vegan, or a vegetarian, obviously those are specific choices.

However, for pretty much most other human males and non-pregnant females, our overall diets really ought to be pretty similar.  I’d say age, if anything, has more of an effect on what we need to be consuming, rather than our gender.

I think it’s all bullshit, these magazines by the register at the Supermarket.   And on TV,  a guy with a deep voice says to eat the Hungry Man frozen dinners, and some annoying yuppie chick voice over tells the strong independent woman to eat yogurt.

Whatever.  The potatoes in the frozen dinner won’t know if a woman is eating them — and yogurt is decent food for everyone.

Ok, I’m not saying you should go out there and murder someone and then eat them, just that to some degree it is our societal and cultural associations with certain meats that makes eating them seem wrong.

Who cares about cows, fish, and chickens…They’re a bunch of nobodies! But what about cats and dogs? Lambs are kinda too cute to eat, too. They fall somewhere in between eating a cow and eating a kitten, in terms of what’s generally acceptable in our society.

Anyway, even though I haven’t had all that much exotic cuisine in my lifetime, I have a theory that many exotic meats do taste good, if prepared right — and if we have no idea what the hell we’re eating when it’s served to us.

On the grill perhaps, with a little Teriyaki sauce, and maybe with a side of potatoes — if you didn’t know any better, you might enjoy eating human if it’s prepared well for ya.