Adam J. Choit

I have no problem recognizing and celebrating the lives and achievements of those no longer with us.  Often we (not us, but the media really) like to do this on and around the time when the dead person’s birthday would be.  For example, IF Princess Diana was still alive, she’d have turned 50 this year.  Well, the problem is that she’s dead, and is not 50 years old.

Now, Diana was supposedly a wonderful humanitarian, and probably deserves the recognition — even that which comes posthumously.  But let’s not kid ourselves here.  For someone like Diana especially, I’d have to say that much her relevance (especially in America) is a result of just a media push to sell magazines and generate TV ratings with specials.  In addition to the power of the dollar, we humans just love our dates and anniversaries and birthdays.  We have an obsession with these things, and we especially love numbers that are divisible by 5.  Our favorites!

In 2012, while there will be some mention, we know we’re just not going to care as much about Diana hypothetically turning 51.

My question really is, when do we stop celebrating dead people’s birthdays?  I’m sure they’ll be some hoopla for Diana’s woulda-been 55th, 60th, 65th, 70th, and 75th birthdays.  But when does it end?  Will Newsweek and the E! Network make their Diana decisions based on life expectancy in the future?  I mean, we’ll probably be recognizing Diana’s 100th birthday, but what about 110th? or 130th?  It’s not like she’s going to be any less dead in 2091.

If everyone had the workday off on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, like they should, I wouldn’t find myself in these conversations.

ME:  Are you off on Monday?

ANONYMOUS:  No.

ME:  Your office hates black people?

ANONYMOUS: Yes.

ME:  Does that mean you have to work extra hours?

ANONYMOUS:  No, only the black people do.

Think about it. Think about all the attention September 11th gets. Look at November 11th as well, being Veterans Day and all.

Poor October 11th. In a sense, it’s forgotten and neglected, sandwiched in between 9/11 and 11/11. Poor thing.

Just checked on Wikipedia. Apparently, October 11th is “National Coming Out Day.” It is also the anniversary of George Carlin hosting the first ever Saturday Night Live broadcast. I guess there are some options if we wanted to push for something more for October 11th.

Other stuff that happened on Oct 11 – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/October_11

That date has some work ahead of itself if it wants build up it’s Q rating.

Seems over the past few years, every time during the holiday season I write a few posts related to Christmas and stuff. I guess it’s everywhere, and on everyone’s minds.

Anyway, many offices have Secret Santa or do a White Elephant gift exchange. Gift giving is just a major part of this month, if not the majororest part. Everybody loves receiving gifts, and although I wouldn’t turn away a free present, I do have one criticism — that’s gifts that come in bags.

You know, those small (or I guess they can be larger) shopping bags, with the festive paper on the top. Gifts that come in bags are NOT real gifts. These are not real presents. Presents are wrapped in wrapping paper. Part of the joy of receiving a gift is unwrapping the paper. (People who slowly unwrap presents or save the paper are also on my people you can’t trust list, but that’s a whole ‘nother story)

All I’m saying is that sticking your hand in a bag should not be part of the Christmas experience. Along with the sounds of joy, the sounds of tearing and crumpling paper should be the only sounds heard during the opening of a present.

This is something Jews like myself have to deal with every year during the Holiday season.  Most stores/restaurants/etc. will tell you “Happy Holidays” upon your exit.  However, quite often people (cashiers and whatnot) will say to me, “Merry Christmas!”

They’re just trying to be nice, but it really is wrong of them to assume that I celebrate Christmas.  Christmas technically is a religious holiday, believe it or not.

In fact, it’s not just Jews who don’t celebrate Christmas.  In Los Angeles, which is the MOST ethnically diverse city in the world, plenty of people don’t do Christmas.

Every time this happens to me, I quickly run through the thought-process, “Should I correct this person?”  Suddenly I then realize that I’ve already said, “You too” back, and have been handed a receipt and have gone on my merry (no irony intended) way.

I guess it’s ok.   People are just trying to be nice.    I mean, it’s not as if these people are trying to convert me, or trying to convince me the Holocaust didn’t happen.

I generally like the Christmas/Holiday/whatever you wanna call it season anyway.

This became an office argument the other day, so I thought I’d spill it over to the blog.  The big question is, How long after January 1st is it acceptable to tell people “Happy New Year” ?

Some people said no more than two weeks after January 1st is acceptable, but I think that’s a bit strict.

I’ll give you all of January.  Once the calendar hits February, it’s too late.  You missed your chance.  Sorry.  Not only is it a new month, all sorts of other holidays are approaching, so New Years’ is really out of people’s minds.  I mean, we got Valentine’s Day coming up, President’s Day, Groundhog’s Day, and of course, my birthday as well.

C’mon, it’s a little strange to blurt out “Happy New Year!” on January 28th.  If you wanna bring things up, you’re better off going with a phrase like “I hope you had a good New Years.”   Or go with it in question form, “Did you have a nice New Years?”

No, I’m not referring to prostitution.

With Black Friday having just passed, every year there’s always a few shopping horror stories that pop up.   You know how people (Americans) get when there are sales in stores.  People can completely lose their minds, and all regard for humanity.

It’s funny, because the whole point of this holiday rush is to buy gifts for other people, which is a generous act.  Yet, in many of these stores, people are pushing and shoving their way towards the merchandise, which is a completely selfish act.   People are stupid, lol.

Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh on the crazy shopper.  I mean, many people actually enjoy the hustle-bustle aspect of the holiday shopping experience.  In fact, injuries, just as in sports, could be considered part of the Black Friday shopping experience.   Just like an athlete can get hurt during competition, and still perform, so can a shopper.

The risk of injury is worth it anyway….because our economy needs more crazy shoppers like this.

I do realize there’s still over 2 months before Halloween, but to be honest, I find more pressure when it comes to Halloween now, than was I was growing up.

When you’re younger, pretty much you dress as a hobo, shaving cream the neighborhood, and just act stupidly.

Now, especially being in L.A. with parties and parades and god knows what, there’s much more pressure to come up with a good costume.  I’ve been kicking around some ideas, and was looking for feedback.  Maybe you people think these ideas I have are good/funny ones, or just stupid and maybe even offensive.

First idea is to be an Indian.  Native American, or Indian from India you ask?

BOTH.  That’s right, I’d have a Bindi (the dot), but also warpaint.  I could wear a white Gandhi-style toga, but also have feathers sticking out of my head.

But would this be offensive to Native Americans and Indians (or everyone)?  Or is this more a shot at the white man’s disrespect to both of those groups of people, by not distinguishing the two.

My other idea is to be a Cleveland Indian. Not a Cleveland Native American though, a real Cleveland Indian.

I’d figure I’d wear baseball garb, but use old the Air India logo, instead the current team logo.

http://nshima.typepad.com/.a/6a00e393367a358834011571f378a5970b-800wi

Thoughts?

You’d think by now I’d know the story of Passover down to specific details, but whatever.

Part of the story is that when Moses and the Jews wanted to escape slavery in Egypt, God was behind them and punished the Pharoah and the Egyptians until they would free the Israelites.

The 10 plagues god struck upon the Egyptians were:  blood, frogs, lice, flies, livestock death, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, and death of the first born.

7 of those 10 are pretty awful, but darkness?  Hey, Scandinavian countries deal with darkness for months at a time.

Is hail really that bad either?  So stay inside if it’s hailing.  Besides, hail is exciting.   It’s like solid precipitation that doesn’t require extremely cold air temperature.  It can, and sometimes does hail in summer!  oooooooooooh

Last but not least, frogs.   They’re cute, they’re green, they croak, they make silly pets, they hop, they appear in Jim Henson programming.

Frogs = awesome.

Growing up I did have some white sneakers, but more often than not my sneakers had logos/designs on them.  What I’m saying is that I’ve never really owned pure white sneakers.

My mom always told me, “White sneakers never stay clean.”   Other times she was more straight forward, “You are a slob and you’ll never take care of them.”

Well, before Halloween 2009, I decided to dress as Jerry Seinfeld (which was a costume that received mixed reviews).

Part of the outfit is wearing white sneakers, which I purchased particularly for Halloween.  Since Halloween, I’ve worked these sneakers into my regular rotation of footwear (I own more pieces of footwear than most women….ok I don’t)

The point is this —- I’ve managed to keep these sneakers in pretty damn good shape through regular shining-ups.

Don’t ever doubt me again Mom!