Adam J. Choit

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with going to the movies alone.  In fact, I’m sure we’ve all done so at one time or another.  It’s no big deal.

I’ve been the movies alone, of course.  But I’m not sure if I’ve ever gone to the movies alone on a Friday or Saturday night.  Being that those nights are associated with date nights, opening weekends for new films, and in general people are more free on Fri/Sat, why would I wanna be seen at the movies alone?

Who’s looking at me anyway you ask?  Probably nobody, especially since movies are shown in a very dark room, in which viewers are focused on a screen, and not each other.

I guess then it’s the actual waiting on lines, entering the theater, and then leaving the theater parts that could potentially make the solo movie-goer insecure about being alone on a Friday or Saturday night.

It shouldn’t matter what other people think, but nevertheless, I only go to the movies alone for matinees, or Sunday-Thursday nights.

Anyway, I do have admiration for people who roll solo to the movies, anytime.  I know people who also enjoy going to sporting events, concerts, or even enjoy taking trips alone — even trips to foreign countries on their own.

To me that’s somewhat bold and brave, but to them it’s just fun — but hey, that’s what makes the world go ’round.

First of all, I should note that is my 1,000th post all time.  Congratulations to me for continuing to write, despite minimal readership lol….

So, let me talk about people who really love horror films.   I feel like often when I talk to people who like scary movies, they all tend to tell me the same thing.   “Oh I don’t get scared by these movies.  Actually, I laugh at how funny they are”.  Funny?   Really?

Now, I don’t despise scary movies by any means, although they’re not so much my cup of tea.  I mean, why am I going to pay money to “get scared”?  Whenever it gets real quiet during a horror film, you know some loud jarring sound/action is about to go down.  I hate that!  I feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack right in the theater.

But back to these people who laugh at horror films — If grotesque scary stuff appeals to you because you find it funny, ummm shouldn’t you just go watch a comedy?

We’ve all heard the term “coming of age”.  It’s most commonly used when people are referring to coming of age movies.  This got me thinking.  What’s the oldest possible coming of age, age in real life?

You know this phrase –  “I’ve got a monkey on my back”.  Well ya know what, nobody wants that burden.  I say the monkeys on our backs should be used for research by scientists.

It’s actually impossible for anybody to ever claim to be the most modest.

That’s what I would’ve titled the film, “Knocked Up,” had I been in charge.

Hmmm, this one has a been a long time coming.  Honestly, besides being a very fractured film in itself, it’s nothing much more than right-wing pro-life propaganda….People often think of Hollywood as very left-wingy, but really that’s not always the case.  What is the case is that Hollywood will do whatever it can to make money, often at the expense of quality filmmaking.

Before go I further, let me review a few reasons why Knocked Up  made zero sense:

-When Katherine Heigl was at the club, her sister just left her there alone, with 5 guys, who were all strangers.  That wouldn’t happen ever, in real life.

-Also, when Seth Rogen finally got his act together (in the 3rd act), it all came together so quickly.  A quick montage of him reading a few books on computer stuff, and voila!  He’s now a mature and responsible adult with a job… bullshit.

-Heigl’s character never even really considered having an abortion.  Maybe this lack of consideration would’ve made some sense, had this character had any sort, well, character development —- making such a scenario plausible, believable.

At least in Juno, Ellen Page somewhat considered not having the baby.  Although an in-utero fetus having fingernails might not be the ideal reason for a person to reconsider an abortion, at least in that film the issue was addressed.

If I was in charge, Knocked Up would have been a 5 minute short featuring an abortion, and titled, “Sucked Out.”

It seems the latest trend (the past decade or so) in movie theaters is “stadium style seating.”  What stadium-style means, is essentially  “most or all seats are placed higher than the seats immediately in front of them, so that the occupants of further-back seats have less of their views blocked by those further forward.”   That’s a mouthful from Wikipedia.

My friend Steve brought this issue to my attention — that the term stadium-style seating is NOT really appropriate for actual stadiums.

I have yet to enter a real stadium that has true stadium-style seating.  While there is some distinction in row heights at stadiums, the most common place that seems to have true stadium-style seating are movie theaters.  lolwtf.

And while we’re at it, Steve noted it pretty much costs more to see a movie than to go to a baseball game these days….I guess we’re paying for the seats.

This is what I like to do when I knock on people’s doors:

WATCH THIS —– http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VAyCE7NB8U

I usually do this to my buddy, because doing this kinda thing is probably more appropriate when you’re dealing with at least a good friend.

The first couple of times it was “(knock knock), housekeeping you want me jerk you off?”

However, that got old/boring pretty fast, let alone it’s a bit homoerotic for my taste.   For some reason, I started considering other phrases I could say in a high-pitched voice after knocking on my buddy’s door.

Now the despicable vulgarity and gross imagery has become routine, but at least somewhat fresh every time I approach my friend’s door.

“Housekeeping you want me poop on your pillow?”

“Housekeeping you want me put my earwax on your silverware?”

“Housekeeping you want me leave dirty gym sock in your refrigerator?”

Y’all should try this on your friends!   Such complete and utter ridiculousness repeated over time is what lasting friendships are made of.

Okay, here’s my latest idea for a movie — it’s a parody/satire/mockumentary/spoof kinda thing.

It’s like “The Wrestler,” but instead of following the hardships of an over-the-hill wrestler, it follows the life of a sports mascot —- one waste past his prime would be ideal.

The trials and tribulations would all be there — the bouts with drugs and alcoholism, bitter conflicts with the ex-wife, and life in general for a mascot trying to get by on a pretty terrible income.

Last night during the Mets/Phillies game, the TV camera showed the Philly Phanatic playfully smacking around a Mets fan in the stands.  I was yelling at the TV, suggesting this Mets fan oughta sue the Philly Phanatic for assault.

I suppose that’d be the low point towards the end of the second act of my film, — a mascot getting convicted of assaulting a fan, losing everything, with little chance of ever being hired by any team again.

..how should this story end?

For the most part, it’s good to adhere to the old lesson “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.”

In addition (this goes more for kids), but it’s a good idea that you “Don’t talk to strangers.”

But what happens when there’s a direct conflict between these two philosophies?

In Home Alone, Kevin McAllister is initially frightened by his creepy old neighbor, but eventually realizes that the old man has a heart of gold.

Please.  Life is all about choices, and the smart choice should be to avoid the creepy old man.  Sure, the old man might actually turn out to be nice too in real life, — but one has to weigh risk vs. reward.

In other words, “Don’t talk to strangers” supersedes “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” —— especially for kids trying to avoid potential child molesters.

Well, I finally saw Avatar.  I’ll spare you my review.

What I did want to share was my rather offensive idea for a sequel.  Along with the help of a friend, here’s what we came up with.

In Avatar, Jake Sully (the lead) suffers from a physical disability, leaving him a paraplegic.

For the sequel, let’s go with a mentally challenged character instead — of course to be portrayed by Sean Penn.

k I guess I go to hell now

It’s not uncommon for those in show business to change their names to something shorter, more memorable, and possibly less “Jewy.”  Mr. Aykroyd, not a Jew as far as I know, probably has the most challenging 7 letter name to spell.  I mean, now that I’m writing this post and focusing on it, I might actually now finally know how to spell the man’s name.

However, if you surveyed random people on the street and asked them to spell Aykroyd in less than 15 seconds, 95% of people would probably fail this test miserably.  With a name like Aykroyd, and the amount of success this guy has had in his career, I have nothing but positive things to say about him.

Saturday Night Live, Trading Places, Ghostbusters — the list is seemingly endless.

Good work Dan, and good work me on post #800 all-time.