Adam J. Choit

Believe me, as a full grown human male at 5’7 1/2″ (gotta throw that half in there), I’ve dealt with my fair share of insecurity when it has come to my height.  I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that I never was/is/will be a tall person, or even a person of average height for my gender.

This post isn’t specifically intended to attack MaxTall, but it was their commercial I caught the other day, so it is them who has inspired my wrath.  I understand why people want to alter their physical appearances.  Like MaxTall’s site says, being taller (or improving whatever it is about your physical appearance) can boost one’s confidence, garner more attention, or even lead to more success in one’s life.  We all want to look our best, and feel our best, but at what point does this all become a joke and a lie?

At least with plastic surgery, there’s a certain level of visible permanence to it, that lets the eye judge the quality of the work.  With shoe lifts, you’re just living a lie.  The commercial for MaxTall is also so over the top.  Basically they show “Mike,” some short dude, standing next to some hot chick, Cindy.  The voice over goes, “Cindy isn’t paying attention to him at all..but watch what happens after Mike adds a couple of inches to his height.”  Then all of a sudden Cindy is interested in his shiz.

BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN CINDY FINDS OUT MIKE IS NOT ACTUALLY AS TALL AS HE ORIGINALLY APPEARED TO BE?  She will probably think Mike is an insecure, lame, lying, superficial dude.  Moreover, she’ll be disappointed when she finds out he’s not as tall as she thought he was.  Mike will then reply, “But what about my awesome personality that you liked?  That’s still the same.”  Cindy will then go, “I don’t know.  I just see you in a different light now.” Then Mike will probably say, “Well I guess if you’re hung up on height, then you’re just superficial,” prompting Cindy to reply, “Me superficial?  You’re the one wearing shoe lifts in the first place.”

In order to avoid all this, don’t wear shoe lifts.  And don’t date people like Mike or Cindy.

This is another one those posts that’s really poking fun and marketing and advertising, and how those things really cater to certain demographics.

In other words, is there really a difference between men’s shaving creams for the face and women’s shaving creams for legs?  I don’t know, probably not.  I could do research on this stuff, but c’mon, that’s not how I roll.

Anyway, I can’t imagine these creams and gels differ all that much for women and men.  Fine, maybe they have slightly different scents, but that’s about it.  Texture and the utilitarian function are basically the same.  Maybe one is a little foamier than the other, big deal.  Throughout history, couples have been sharing creams/gels to shave with — even sharing razors is common, but I don’t have the strength to even get into that right now.

All I’m saying is that just because something comes in a pink bottle, it doesn’t mean guys can’t use it, and just because the hairless prick in the commercial uses a bottle of black shaving cream, it doesn’t mean women can’t use that product either.

Don’t let advertisers and marketers dictate your life!

I wonder if such a thing really does exist for some people.

I find myself often purchasing bottled waters in 7-Eleven, and I notice that they have a few different brands.  There’s Poland Spring, Aquafina, and then I see the 7-Eleven brand bottled water — which is what I’ll usually buy.

With the waters at the same temperatures, I’m sure some people really can tell the difference between tap water and Brita, or the difference between bottled waters and Brita — but in a taste test, is it really possible to tell the difference between the different brands of bottled water?

I doubt it.   If you have brand loyalty towards a specific brand of bottled water, I do declare you a bit nuts.  To me,  all bottled waters taste the same.  The only loyalty you should have is to the option that’s most cost effective — which in this case would be the 7-Eleven brand bottled water.

I really try not to judge people based on their jobs or careers.  After all, we all need money to survive in this world, and for the most part I have respect for everyone in the workforce, regardless of the position they hold.  It can really be a tough world out there.

However, I can’t say that I’d want to be one of those guys on the street with those advertising signs. You know, those signs that are often shaped liked arrows that those dudes sometimes spin and do tricks with.  I feel like within the past few years, we’re seeing more and more of these people with their signs.   Maybe it’s just me.

There must have been some research done that shows that these sign guys must bring in business — otherwise paying them is a waste of money, and the job itself would be a waste of time.

Like I said, work is work, and do what you gotta do for the money, but in addition to sign guys for Verizon or Wingstop, I actually saw a guy holding a spinning arrow advertising sign for a strip club.  Really?  If I was doing this, this might feel a bit humiliating, but I’m trying not to judge others.

But if I put on my marketing hat on for a second, I really think one of the strippers oughta be out there holding the sign to entice potential customers.

I have no idea what a marketing hat is by the way.

So what do you prefer as a breath freshener, chewing gum, or mints? I mean, each has it’s own advantages and disadvantages.

Mints you can put in your mouth, and not really have to chew. They conveniently just dissolve in your mouth. No need to be concerned about figuring out where to spit out a mint, as you would with gum. Gum can be fun to chew, though — almost like the act of chewing the gum is an activity in itself.

In general, I am a fan of Tic-Tacs, but they do tend to be the loudest mint. I guess “tic-tac” is Onomatopoeia. Anyway, in general I’ll accept any gum or mints offered to me, but have narrowed it down to a couple of preferences.

This is my gum preference – http://www.amazon.com/Orbit-White-Bubblemint-Count-Pieces/dp/B00250K8FU

You get the bubblegum flavor, the refreshing mint quality, and also a sugarfree tooth whitener.  Ideal.

For mints, I’ve all but made the move to Altoids, which pack a powerful refreshing punch.  In addition, the tin a nice container.

In fact, what I’ve been trying to do is mix the gum with the mints in one single Altoids tin.  This way when someone wants a breath freshener, I can give them options!

Yes.  Them.  All of the free sample people in general are awesome.  Is it me, or do these  free sample people always seem like the friendliest people ever?  Perhaps it’s just the nature of the job, or the simple fact that everyone likes to get free stuff.

Anyway, at Costco, the free sample people all apparently go through an infomercial-esque spiel.  They put on a demonstration, and this goes on repeatedly all day — just like it would if it were on TV.

Shoppers pass by, and most usually catch the demonstration somewhere near the middle.  There’s no stopping and re-starting, and I understand the logical reasoning behind why.

– but one of these days I’m going to request that he/she starts over — then I’ll leave in the middle of the performance.

I guess that’d actually be really mean.  Fine.  I’d stay for the duration, but in doing so I should be allowed to have extra free samples.

This is something Jews like myself have to deal with every year during the Holiday season.  Most stores/restaurants/etc. will tell you “Happy Holidays” upon your exit.  However, quite often people (cashiers and whatnot) will say to me, “Merry Christmas!”

They’re just trying to be nice, but it really is wrong of them to assume that I celebrate Christmas.  Christmas technically is a religious holiday, believe it or not.

In fact, it’s not just Jews who don’t celebrate Christmas.  In Los Angeles, which is the MOST ethnically diverse city in the world, plenty of people don’t do Christmas.

Every time this happens to me, I quickly run through the thought-process, “Should I correct this person?”  Suddenly I then realize that I’ve already said, “You too” back, and have been handed a receipt and have gone on my merry (no irony intended) way.

I guess it’s ok.   People are just trying to be nice.    I mean, it’s not as if these people are trying to convert me, or trying to convince me the Holocaust didn’t happen.

I generally like the Christmas/Holiday/whatever you wanna call it season anyway.

No, I’m not referring to prostitution.

With Black Friday having just passed, every year there’s always a few shopping horror stories that pop up.   You know how people (Americans) get when there are sales in stores.  People can completely lose their minds, and all regard for humanity.

It’s funny, because the whole point of this holiday rush is to buy gifts for other people, which is a generous act.  Yet, in many of these stores, people are pushing and shoving their way towards the merchandise, which is a completely selfish act.   People are stupid, lol.

Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh on the crazy shopper.  I mean, many people actually enjoy the hustle-bustle aspect of the holiday shopping experience.  In fact, injuries, just as in sports, could be considered part of the Black Friday shopping experience.   Just like an athlete can get hurt during competition, and still perform, so can a shopper.

The risk of injury is worth it anyway….because our economy needs more crazy shoppers like this.

A while back I was shopping at Fresh & Easy with a friend of mine. Right around the free samples area, I nearly had my foot ran over by some nutty man in a wheelchair. He apologized, and told me that he’s gonna try not to run over anyone else, unless he’s going to church on Sunday — presumably for absolution after committing a wheelchair hit and run.

It didn’t end there. He then uttered a really bizarre thing to me — “You dropped your pocket.” Not really knowing what the hell he said, I looked down at the ground. My friend starting laughing.

We went on with our shopping, and my friend said that guy really oughta be a stand-up comedian. That’s when it occurred to me what I could’ve said to the guy in response to his messing with me — perhaps something like “I’d suggest you be a stand-up comedian, but it looks like you’re confined to that chair.”

(Relax, I wouldn’t have said that even if I thought of it in the moment. How horrible do you people think I am?)

Hate ‘em.

I actually don’t hate boxed salads, and it’s hard for me to really “hate” any type of food.  STOP THE HATE!

I just think there’s a time and a place for boxed salads —— airports, Starbucks, mall food courts, etc.   I don’t want to go into a restaurant-type place and be handed a boxed salad (which is not the same as a salad that’s in a to-go box).

This is any type of salad in which the croutons, dressing, and other stuff is sealed, and is intended for you the buyer to distribute onto the salad on your own.  If you order a salad from a real restaurant, I don’t wanna have to make that shit myself.  You are the cooking people.  I trust you to know the right amounts of that stuff to put on the salad.

If I wanted to make my own salad, I’d do it home, or while I’m running through LAX trying to catch a plane with luggage in one hand, and Mr. Caesar in a plastic box in the other.