Adam J. Choit

me: i stucky in bed. help me.

bozzz: you tied up?

me: glued. with elmers glue.

bozzz: guy named elmer glue you down? sexy.

me: yeah, he use elmer’s glue, not the brand though. he borrow glue from his friend who also is named elmer.

Unfortunately, (one of my) favorite baseball players, Endy Chavez, has been injured, and is out for the remainder of the season.

If you recall, he’s also a folk hero for making this catch, which nearly lifted the Mets to the World Series.

Anyway, Seattle Mariners shortstop Rafael Betancourt was going out for a flyball in shallow leftfield, and Endy was calling him off. Betancourt never gave way to Endy, and they violently collided, tearing up Endy’s knee.

Betancourt should know that Endy gets to everything. Me and Bozzz know.

BOZZZ:  He (Betancourt) should’ve known Endy gets to everything

ME:  No shit.

BOZZZ:  Endy makes catches in rightfield from the dugout.  Endy makes catches in San Francisco while in playing Boston.  Endy robs homeruns from the 1980′s.

ME:  Endy makes catches in heaven from earth.

This isn’t really meant so much to be humorous, witty, or even thought provoking.  This is the rare occasion when I feel it within me to assist humanity.  If I can reach one person out there, it’ll make the following all worth it.

Over the last month or so, I’ve had a bunch of computer issues.  I won’t bore you every detail, but I want to highlight one, because my story could save your life (some time/energy).

Here was the issue:  I couldn’t upgrade Windows XP or download/upgrade anything from Microsoft’s website.  If I clicked on “Upgrade Windows” in Internet Explorer, it didn’t go to the Microsoft page.  It would load a page that looked similar to a standard Google search page, but read “Google English.”   And anytime I tried downloading content from Mr. Gates, I would get an error window.

I tried using Firefox and Safari, but those didn’t help.  I tried installing some update files on a CD I created from another computer.  That didn’t work either.  So many message boards out there told me to try various scanning and antivirus programs.  So I did that too.  Didn’t help.

Eventually, after some advice from Bozzz, and finally stumbling upon some good advice on a message board, I realized the issue was the router settings.

For now, IGNORE ALL THAT ANTIVIRUS SHIT.  It’s a waste of time.   ASSUMING you’re running a router, using a paperclip or pen, press and hold the little button on that router router in for a few seconds.  If you’re running a wireless network, you’ll probably have to go into your router settings, and fill in some basic info/settings.  Name of network, and password for it pretty much.  If I could do this, you could do this.

Thank your for reading another episode of “Computer Help” with The Stabbing Pen.

Me and good friend Bozzz will often “IM” each other song lyrics to the song we might be currently listening to as we chat online.  Not sure why, I guess it’s a way of singing/typing along to the music.  Somehow this can deviate into perversion.

ME:  PAPA WUZZA ROLLING STONE

BOZZZ:  WHEREVER HE LAID HIS HAT WAS HIS HOME

BOZZZ:  I laid ur mom in my home.

ME:  I fucked ur mom in my home without a jimmy hat.

BOZZZ: I had sexual intercourse with your mother inside your father

ME:  I had sexual intercourse with ur mom and stuck both my left and right fists up her anus simultaneously

BOZZZ:  I had sexual intercourse with your mom and was so far inside her my penis came out of her mouth and then went into your sister

ME:  I had my penis so far up ur mom’s ass that it came out her vagina so she blew me too

BOZZZ:  I LOVE US

ME:  Me too.

Me: Let’s eat Wendy’s and play Nintendo.
Bozzz: I don’t eat fast food anymore.
Me: Nah, I mean we find two chicks, both named Wendy, and perform oral sex on them.